So as I promised, I would do a run down of the relationship road... Again, I will be keeping all names a mystery and try to leave out as many details as possible. I'm not T-Swift, so I don't feel the need to bash them completely... but most of them did hurt me in some way, so some how getting it all out makes it a little better. If you stick this out to the end congrats.. you deserve something...
Let's start with my first love, from the 8th grade. Yep. I'm goin that far back because he still is in the picture. We've known each other for TWELVE years. That's just crazy ridiculous. We've had our fair share of ups and downs, not talking, hating each other, to talking regularly and the occasional "on purpose, run in/get together." He's a great guy, when he wants to be. He's also the guy that you just never know what he's thinking or how he'll react. We've each had our own heartaches, but some how find comfort in each other. I guess because there's something to be said for being friends for a dozen years.. not crossing him off my list, but a lot would have to be different for us ever to be an item again.
Now, let's skip ahead to high school sweetheart. Loved him. Truly loved him. If you were lucky enough to marry your high school sweetheart, good for you, but you kinda make me sick. :) Just kidding, but seriously. If I could have ended up with mine I would have. After we broke up my freshman year of college (his Sr. Year) of high school, we didn't really talk at all. We weren't even Facebook friends until about 4 years ago. It didn't end well, and I think we were both too hurt to even think about being friends. I ran into him at my high school homecoming football game a couple weeks ago, which was weird because he doesn't even live in the state anymore, so he was the person I was least expecting to see. Nonetheless, it was good to see him, get a hug, let my mind wander back down memory lane for 3.5 sec. while the fight song played in the background and then snap back to reality. Sigh. I wish him them best, he's a great guy, super cute, wonderful personality and will make someone a very good husband one day. :)
On to the college relationship almost turned marriage.. Yea, that doesn't even sound good and in retrospect it wasn't. We went to high school together (a year apart) and we re-connected on get this.. MySpace. HA! Oh.. 2006. Anyways... we dated MOST of my college career against my parents and some of my friends best wishes. We had our good times, made some good memories, I experienced so many things I wouldn't have without him. I learned a lot about what it takes to be in a relationship, how to make one work and what I want out of a relationship. After him is when I made my list of "must haves" and "deal breakers." Being in a relationship for 3 years, that got pretty serious really did teach me a lot. I think he would say the same. He's now happily married to a girl I don't really know. Thankfully. He seems happy. We talk once in a blue moon just to catch up and see whats going on. We aren't Facebook friends, so we don't secretly stalk one another. We have just both moved on, which is why the relationship ended because we needed to move on with our lives together or apart, and we both took a different direction at the crossroad.
Now, since the serious college relationship, I've only been in 2, what I would call actual "relationships." Both of which resulted out of me being totally crazy and out of my mind! Seriously. I don't put myself down much, but on these two I just have to wonder was I drunk the entire relationship and not aware of what was going on, or I could go with the rational that the wool was pulled over my eyes and both guys appeared one way and then ended up being another. Yea. I'll go with that one.
Anyways.. the first was two years younger than me. Mistake #1. We were in two different places in life, he was still in school, I was out, but didn't have a "big girl" job yet, just a nanny, so I was just looking for a relationship because I had been single for about a year. Well, he seemed great despite the age (and maturity) difference. He was a christian, motivated, devoted, helpful, optimistic, encouraging. .yea I could go on with the adjectives, but I'll spare you. Then two months in we had discussed marriage, and I was discussing in the sense of I don't really date people seriously who I don't think I could marry. Meaning, our morals and values must match, we have enough in common etc. otherwise it's just a waste of times. I'm not sure how he took it other than for real and ended up asking my parents if he could marry me and we'd only been dating 2 months. Well that pretty much ruined it b/c the parental units were not impressed and so 4 months later we were done. Things could have gone differently here, but in some weird way I'm glad they didn't because when we were dating I just KNEW he was the one for me. Since we've broken up there have be
SEVERAL a million little things I've noticed about him that would drive me bonkers if I had married him.
Ok, on to guy number 2. Um. I'll stop right here and admit I used eHarmony to meet this winner. Not my proudest moment, but I thought I didn't have anything to loose. I was in a bad place myself, had just lost my nanny gig, missed my kiddo like crazy, was working a HORRIBLE job answering calls from criminals.. literally, and was generally lonely. So, here is where I insert "there is a season for everything." And well this guy was here for a season, and it was helpful to get my mind and self out of the slump I was in, but GOOD GRIEF, NOW I'd be crazy to be with him b/c he is literally crazy. I'm really not sure he is mentally sound, and he has a few problems he needs to fix. But who am I to judge. All I know is he's hit about 6 "deal breakers" on my list, therefore he is O-U-T. However, when we started dating he was a great guy, a bit older than me (I had high hopes b/c of that.), and we had a great first date. Oh well.. can't win them all!
That horrible mess of a relationship (if we can call it that) ended at the end of December last year. So my new years resolution was to be SINGLE for an entire year. I didn't mean not date, I've done a bit of that, and I've had a few crushes here and there, but I wanted to NOT be in a serious relationship for a year. I needed a break from the drama, the ups and downs, the heartaches, the communicating, working out schedules to see each other, etc. You know, the actual "work" of a relationship. I wanted a break. I've had that, and now I'm ready to see what 2012 holds as far as guys go.
I recently reconnected with a guy that I put on the back burner b/c I was talking to the "eHarmony winner" and thought that was the better choice. In retrospect I picked the wrong one. I've talked to this guy off and on since the end of August. We've seen each other a handful of times, but every time I'm with him I really feel like I'm myself. I'm attracted to him, wasn't at first, but now find his accent pretty cute even if it isn't southern. We have great conversation, we talk religion, politics, cooking, music.. I think we have lots in common, other than the fact I'm not sure if our feelings are the same for one another. I definitely hope I have the opportunity to be in a relationship with him, not just this casual run in or happy hour on a whim deal we are currently doing. I think he is a bit hurt that I chose the other guy over him to begin with and is hesitant that he give me another chance. I understand that, but I'm so glad I didn't pick him then because I was in such a bad place, I think that would have revealed to much of me to him to early and it would have ended anyways. I just have to keep thinking that there is a season... I'm just ready for it to be my season. :) I'll keep you posted!
